Elusive Butterfly
by spottedhorse
Summary: Based on a Moldy Oldie from the sixties. GSR. Happens sometime after GBGL.


Heard this oldie moldy on the radio this morning and thought it fit GSR perfectly. Yeah I know, I don't do GSR. But this just had to happen, lol. BTW: Words and Music by Bob Lind

JUSTREMEMBERGSRISN'TMYTHINGSO IAMREALLYGOINGOUTONALIMBHERE

_Elusive Butterfly_

_You might wake up some mornin'  
To the sound of something moving past your window in the wind  
And if you're quick enough to rise  
You'll catch a fleeting glimpse of someone's fading shadow  
Out on the new horizon  
You may see the floating motion of a distant pair of wings  
And if the sleep has left your ears  
You might hear footsteps running through an open meadow_

He was tired of waiting. He had waited for months. The phone calls helped. But he needed to see her, to touch her, to hold her. But even if he didn't get to do all of those things, just to see her would be better than another conversation with a bodiless voice over the phone. So he scheduled a few days off; unheard of for Gil Grissom unless there was a conference or consultation that he was attending. Everyone knew why and the lab exhaled a joint sigh of relief. Finally, he was going to her.

She had told him that she wasn't ready to see him. She still had some things to sort out. Even though she told him to stay away, he couldn't. They had danced an awkward dance for years, flitting like butterflies in and out of each other's space; coming close enough to catch the other's attention and just as they brushed together in a light flutter one would dart away, leaving the other to wonder what if. And then finally, he had succumbed, giving in to her, seduced by her quiet acceptance of him. And he had been happy, so very happy.

_  
Don't be concerned, it will not harm you  
It's only me pursuing somethin' I'm not sure of  
Across my dreams with nets of wonder  
I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love_

Theirs wasn't the kind of romance one sees in the movies. It was a quiet, private, insulated existence for them in their little cocoon. Rarely did it spill over into their public lives, except for the occasional glances and soft, tender touches at opportune moments.

At least, it didn't until that horrible night that she was taken from him… The unthinkable happened and for the first time in his career, he had lost focus in a case. But it wasn't just any case; it was her case. Perhaps his focus hadn't been so far off; he had been focused on her, not the case. And then she was found.

He had never felt so many things at once before. Relief, fear, joy, anguish…love. As he sat in the chopper gazing at her sun beaten, injured, and worn out body his tight control over the fear was lost. He saw the effects of her experience in the desert and tears of joy and tears of fear pooled in his eyes as he willed her to survive. In that moment, he determined that she came before everything and he would keep it that way for the rest of his life.

He saw the effects of her experience in the desert; that an important part of Sara, his Sara, was gone. But as the days wore on, he began to realize that she was beginning to unravel. He wasn't exactly sure why, but he knew that it was happening by the often blank look in her expression. He had tried to give her space to recapture that part of herself that had been left in the sand and dust, but perhaps that had been a mistake because she seemed to drift farther and farther away, until she was really gone

_  
You might have heard my footsteps  
Echo softly in the distance through the canyons of your mind  
I might have even called your name  
As I ran searching after something to believe in  
You might have seen me runnin'  
Through the long-abandoned ruins of the dreams you left behind  
If you remember something there  
That glided past you followed close by heavy breathin'_

The letter had said so much and yet left so many questions. Fear gripped him again as he read it and truly began to understand the depths of her despair. He had known something was wrong but couldn't seem to get past his own relief and joy at her return to him. And then she had kissed him in front of Hodges and he had known something was terribly off. But instead of pursuing her, he had returned to his case; a decision he might regret the rest of his life.

But then, he had made so many wrong decisions with her. He had loved her almost from the beginning but never really knew how to handle it. At first it had been a surprise to him that she cared about him and then, it grew into an annoyance. He hadn't been willing to risk everything that he was for her…for anyone.

But the little string that connected his heart to hers had grown and twisted tighter and tighter until it became a knotted rope, forever binding him to her. He had learned that while he was at Williams. When he left for the month, he was still confused about so many things, all of them about her. When he came back, he was sure of two things, he loved her and needed her in his life.Once the initial awkwardness of his return had passed, their relationship moved to a new level; one filled with more trust than he had ever given anyone. And in return, he was rewarded with happiness, a gentle bliss. It wasn't the young, romantic kind of joy that all the novelists write about. It was a quiet kind of contentment that comes when one feels another soul entwined with his own. Once he had accepted that he loved and needed her, it had been so easy between them and their hearts grew together until he wasn't sure where he ended and she began. It was that kind of happiness. With her, he could just 'be.'

_  
Don't be concerned, it will not harm you  
It's only me pursuing somethin' I'm not sure of  
Across my dreams with nets of wonder  
I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love_

He stood outside of her apartment for an eternity trying to decide if he should settle for just seeing her or if he should knock on her door. And then knowing that he would regret leaving if he didn't talk to her, he knocked.

Her door opened and as he stammered, trying to find the right words, she jumped into his arms. He folded her into him, his arms holding her tightly as he wept and whispered her name with joy. This time he wouldn't let his butterfly escape.


End file.
